June 30, 2008, at 10:26 pm |
Everything is going very well here in my little hospital room. Some friends joked that the name plate outside my room ought to be engraved by now, rather than just penciled-in! We’ve personalized the interior of the room slowly but surely. Jim recently hung on my wall two matching little outfits saying, “My First Ocean City, NJ Shirt,” along with a ziplock bag of sand and shells that our friends lovingly collected in my honor. So even though I wasn’t able to join the family at the shore this year, I smile every time I see these souvenirs and think of future vacations to come. We also have cards pinned on the wall, and decorations from the shower that my co-workers had thrown. The nurses and doctors all remark on how “homey” we’ve made the space, and I reply that I’m just thrilled I’ve been here long enough to call it home!
Visiting friends tonight asked me if I was “comfortable” here – and I replied that my answer depended on whether they were inquiring about my physical or emotional comfort level! Physically, I’m getting more and more uncomfortable, but I attribute the discomfort to the normal aches and pains of an advancing pregnancy. I don’t believe I’ve seen any very pregnant lady look comfortable, whether or not she was on bedrest! Yet emotionally and spiritually, I’m remarkably content. The Lord is so gracious in granting me more patience with these circumstances than I ever thought possible. Now the big question will be whether I will feel similar “comfort” and patience when I am attempting to soothe two squalling infants at 3 a.m.! π However, I am confident that our God is good…and whether or not I feel His calming presence in trying times, I know that His patience with me is unending, and He will shape me (painfully at times, I’m sure) into the parent He desires me to be. I am reminded of one of my favorite hymns:
He giveth more grace when the burdens grow greater,
He sendeth more strength when the labors increase;
To added affliction He addeth His mercy;
To multiplied trials, His multiplied peace.
When we have exhausted our store of endurance,
When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,
When we reach the end of our hoarded resources,
Our Father’s full giving is only begun.
Fear not that thy need shall exceed His provision,
Our God ever yearns His resources to share;
Lean hard on the arm everlasting, availing;
The Father both thee and thy load will upbear.
His love has no limit; His grace has no measure.
His pow’r has no boundary known unto men;
For out of His infinite riches in Jesus,
He giveth, and giveth, and giveth again!
June 29, 2008, at 10:36 pm | 
A visit from Allison, Katelyn and Jonathan brought a smile to my face π I love being an aunt!
June 28, 2008, at 5:58 pm | I’m grateful to report that I’m back to my old boring ways! Although the contractions are still a bit more frequent than they were prior to yesterday, I don’t feel nearly as wiped out by them. The nurses are relieved that I’m once again considered low-maintenance. I’m happy to oblige!
I’m excited to be seeing Jim’s sister Julie and her family tomorrow. They flew in from Arizona and spent time with their family at the Jersey shore and now they’ve driven up to Connecticut. I haven’t seen them since February, and I’m eager to interact with the twins, Jonathan and Katelyn, now that they’re more active and independent than when we were last together. It’s hard to believe that they will be a year old in August. And I suspect that their 12-year-old daughter, Allison, has also grown since February. I can’t wait to see that young lady! She’ll be spending several weeks with us after her parents and siblings fly back to AZ, so we’ll have plenty of opportunities to chat. I’ve already warned Allison that she’s going to have to give me some child-rearing lessons while she’s here – she has much more experience with infant twins than I do!
June 27, 2008, at 5:54 pm |
I guess my uneventful days couldn’t go on forever! I woke up in the middle of the night and realized I was having more contractions than usual, although they felt the same in intensity as they always had. The nurse hooked me up to a monitor, and sure enough, they were coming approximately every 6-10 minutes. Fortunately, the nurse and doctors weren’t concerned, as long as I wasn’t experiencing any associated pain. It was the one time that I was actually a bit worried and the powers-that-be were nonchalant – in the past, the doctors would scurry around with stern expressions on their faces and start adjusting medications, while I laid there thinking, “What’s going on? I feel fine!” Now that I finally was feeling something, I expected the docs to hit the roof! But thank the Lord, they were unimpressed, and continued to be so, even though the contractions continued at the same pace until early afternoon today. They’ve finally quieted down, and I have as well. π I’ve relished the relative quiet of the afternoon, and tried to rest and regain some of the energy I lost by pulling the all-nighter. I suppose I’m just practicing for the sleepness nights to come!
June 26, 2008, at 6:29 pm |
The girls reached 30 weeks today! What a miraculous event – I never thought I’d see the “thirty-something” stage of this pregnancy. Several nurses popped into my room to offer their congratulations on achieving this gestational milestone. I was flattered by their kind attention (I wasn’t even one of their cases today), and was a bit embarrassed by their praise. They commented on doing “such a good job of hanging in there and keeping those babies inside!” Of course, I thanked them for their thoughtfulness and said it was all just a blessing from the Lord, and inside I was thinking… “I didn’t do squat – I just laid here for six weeks!” Too bad not more of life’s problems could be addressed by laying in bed all day! π
I mentioned to several people recently that I’ve actually worried less about the pregnancy in recent weeks than I would have, had I been home. I would have been analyzing every ache and pain for significance, whereas now I can just ask to be hooked up to any one of several monitors and I can receive instant reassurance. The real trick is going to be giving over my anxieties and fears to the Lord once the girls are home and I am the one who has to monitor their every ache and pain. Being a mom – both before and after birth – comes with a lot more responsibility than I ever expected! I’m so glad that the Lord is willing to bear all those burdens for me. He is an attentive and loving Father, who is ultimately in charge of my whole family.
June 25, 2008, at 9:07 pm | Oops! I let the day go by without dreaming up a semi-interesting blog post! I suppose my forgetfulness is a reassuring sign to all those who worry that I must be plagued by boredom. Even though the day was uneventful, I still managed to keep my mind, if not my body, occupied. I even had a few moments of vicarious vacation. My mother-in-law called from the Jersey Shore to check on how I’m doing. She’s there with Jim’s dad, sister and her family, along with a gaggle of other close friends and relatives. She described their activity-filled day to me and I could picture myself strolling the boardwalk with them all…smelling the made-from-scratch french fries (upon which Jim would be pouring copious amounts of vinegar), hearing kids’ voices reach a frenzied crescendo as the amusement park rides spin them with nauseating speed, watching the ocean waves propel enthusiastic body surfers toward the beach…oh I feel like I’m almost there right now! Well, at least I have next year’s annual trip to look forward to, and I’ll be able to add more sights and sounds to the picture…like the feel of wiping Kohr Brother’s ice cream off little sticky smiles, the sound of a double stroller thudding its way along the uneven surface of the boardwalk, and the sight of Jim dipping the girls’ toes into the foamy water’s edge…our experience of the Jersey shore will never be the same!
June 24, 2008, at 7:28 pm | Both girls passed their NST this morning. The nurse also mentioned that their heart rates are demonstrating signs of maturity; that is, the rates are getting slightly lower. When we first started the daily monitoring, the rates were in the mid-150’s, and now they’re in the 140’s. Our little girls are growing up! π
This morning, one of the perinatologists (high-risk obstetricians) commented on how impressed she was with our progress. She said it felt like it was not too long ago that they were admitting me with the hope that they could stave off delivery for a mere 48 hours to give the lung-developing steroids time to work. Those steroids were vital to the girls’ long-term health if they were to have been born at 24 weeks. Now, as we approach the 30 week mark on Thursday, it almost feels greedy to keep asking the Lord for one more day. He has blessed us abundantly, and I am so thankful – not only because, if our girls were born now, their prognosis is vastly improved over if they had been born over a month ago. I’m also simply thankful to have had the joy of being pregnant this much longer. I love being able to feel them move inside of me, as I try to imagine what gymnastic maneuver they are performing. I love feeling them hiccup, the rhythmic pulsation of their tiny bodies against my skin. I love listening to their heartbeats, that audible manifestation of strength and life, that reminder of the Lord’s creative and sustaining power.
Γ’β¬ΕFor you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.Γ’β¬Β (Psalm 139:13-14).
His works are indeed wonderful – I know that full well!
June 23, 2008, at 5:51 pm | Contrary to the fears I expressed in my last post, I haven’t yet had to resort to bribery to get the girls to behave during monitoring (although I was honestly kind of looking forward to it. At this point, my idea of bribery consists of feeding the girls all the things they like, such as extra portions of ice cream and salty french fries, so I’m just as much a beneficiary as they are!). The girls cooperated with their monitoring yesterday evening and this morning, so we’ll see if their recent compliance indicates a positive trend.
I’ve been noticing that it is increasingly difficult to propel my body out of bed for my bathroom trips. I’m unsure whether to attribute this difficulty to a changing center of gravity as my waistline expands, or to my rapidly atrophying musculature! It unnerves me a bit to think of losing muscle mass, right when I will need it the most. When I was visiting my sister-in-law after she had her twins last year, I was surprised how heavy little babies can be in their car seats – I could barely lug the two of them to the car, and I was in fairly good physical condition at the time! I guess it’s fortunate that babies start out small, so my biceps will have a chance to bulk up before the kids do. π
June 22, 2008, at 4:32 pm |
I’m beginning to wonder whether the babies’ energy level during their monitoring session yesterday morning was less a rebellion against a particular nurse and more an establishment of a new routine. They simply haven’t cooperated with any monitoring lately, much to their mother’s embarrassment. If I can’t control my kids now, when will I be able to control them? π Don’t answer that….!
This must be yet another lesson that I need to learn – picking my battles. “OK, girlies…” (I’m talking to my belly now), “I’ll let you wiggle and giggle your way through your monitoring session this evening and even all day tomorrow. But come Tuesday (the day of the next NST), you need to start behaving like the good girls I know you are. Besides, you don’t want to work off all those hard-earned calories just yet, do you? We need every one of those calories for your next weigh-in!”
We’ll see if our heart-to-heart (or mouth-to-belly) conversation was successful. If not, I may have to resort to the notorious parenting lesson I’ve been hearing so much about…bribery!
June 21, 2008, at 4:03 pm |
Shortly after composing my post yesterday, I heard a knock at my door and a resident indeed appeared, dragging the requisite ultrasound machine behind him! One of the girls passed her NST, but the other did not, so the resident did a quick scan to make sure all was well. The doctors are looking for a specific “practice breathing” exercise when they do the ultrasound, which the baby must perform for a continuous 30 seconds in a 30 minute period. The breathing really has nothing to do with lung performance, as the babies don’t have any oxygen with which to breathe. It’s somehow a test of overall well-being. I still have not completely grasped its significance, but I’m happy to say that every ultrasound thus far has revealed happy, “breathing” babies!
My nurse this morning entered my room with a great deal of trepidation, as she has historically been unable to get our girls to behave for their heartbeat monitoring session (which is done twice daily for 30 minutes, and once at midnight for 5 minutes). Today was no different – it’s as if the girls can smell her fear! The monitoring has little to do with a nurse’s competence and everything to do with the babies’ cooperation. This otherwise highly competent nurse struggles mightily to get my girls to stay on the monitor. At issue is the fact that when either of the girls move, the stationary doppler monitor is unable to track her heartbeat. As a result, the nurse has to reposition the monitor until she finds the wayward baby again. For some reason, the girls throw little uterine dance parties when this particular nurse monitors them, and as a result, she is forced to blindly attempt to follow their erratic movements for the entire monitoring session. Ideally, a nurse is able to position the dopplers once, leave the room, and return again in 30 minutes without incident. My daughters seem determined to make this nurse stay in the room for the whole time period. Fortunately for me, she’s a delightful lady and I don’t mind spending the time with her; but I am a bit unnerved by the girls’ early displays of their power to control their environment. It will be no time at all before they have their daddy wrapped around their little fingers!
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ABOUT US I'm blessed to be saved by the grace of God, loved by my wonderful husband Jim, and embraced by my twin girls, Rebecca Faith and Susanna Joy and my sons Jimmy and Danny. I started this blog in May 2008 when I was hospitalized for pre-term labor at 24 weeks gestation. The Lord allowed me to keep the girls inside until they were 34 weeks along, and on July 27th, Rebecca made her debut, followed by Susanna, five minutes later, on July 28th. We ecstatically welcomed Jimmy into our lives on April 25th, 2011, and Danny on August 31, 2012. This blog has been a personal journal of faith and motherhood and the only way I can remember which child did what and when. Thanks for stopping by to share in my Faith and Joy! Feel free to e-mail me at: [email protected]. |
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