Reflections

Our family had to say goodbye to Baby X last week. He was placed with a biological relative who was willing to adopt him. We were all very disappointed he couldn’t stay with us longer, but we pray that the Lord will protect and nourish him in his new home. It was such a privilege to get to care for him for the first month of his life.

When I think back over the last four weeks with five children in our house, the words of comedian Jim Gaffigan come to mind: “You know what it’s like having a fourth kid? Imagine you’re drowning…and then someone hands you a baby.” That’s very similar to what it felt like going from four to five. It was crazy! And now that we’re back to four, I feel like I’m on vacation. There’s nothing like having five kids for a month to make having four kids feel like a walk in the park. So if nothing else, our first foster care placement has made me appreciate sleep, free time, and the ability to thoroughly clean the house.

But even though I love sleep and a clean house as much as the next person, I’m anxious to receive another child into our care very soon. Having Baby X in our home was logistically difficult, but emotionally wonderful. I really loved getting to snuggle a baby again, especially one that was the same size as our girls when they were newborn. I adored feeling that four pound bundle tucked under my chin. Our kids were big enough that they did very well entertaining themselves when I needed them to, and fetching diapers and blankets for me when my hands were full. I unfortunately had to limit the amount of physical contact they had with the baby when a stomach bug made the rounds among everyone for almost two weeks, but when they were cleared for cuddling again, it thrilled my heart to see the kids lavishing love and attention on this tiny child in our home. Overall, I couldn’t have asked for the kids to do any better than they did from start to finish. They were excited and welcoming when Baby X came to our home, and they never tired of having him in the house, even when it meant my hands were occasionally too full to hold them. I think they also grieved his sudden departure appropriately. One of the last nights he was here, I overhead Becky tell her sister, “No matter how many other foster children we have, I don’t think I’ll ever love any of them as much as Baby X.” Her comment gave me the opportunity to talk with the girls about the nature of love, and how their Daddy and I even had the same thoughts before Jimmy and Danny were born, wondering how we could ever love anyone as much as we did the girls…but our capacity to love is limitless, thanks to the unending nature of God’s love toward us.

One of the reasons Jim and I felt it was important to do foster care was to help the kids understand how fortunate they are to have a loving family. What I didn’t anticipate was how many more conversations foster care has allowed our family to have about spiritual matters. When I was explaining to the kids one night about how we needed to give Baby X to another home even though we really, really wanted to keep him here, the Lord brought to my mind the concept of submission. I frequently have talks with the kids about how it’s important to obey authority figures even when you don’t want to, but it’s not often they see me having to live out that principle myself – and how that’s exactly what the Lord Jesus Christ did on the cross, putting our needs before His, and submitting His Will to that of the Father’s. The Lord Jesus said, “Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done” (Luke 22:42). Often the Lord calls His followers to do very hard things (like bringing a child into your home, or saying goodbye to a child), because it is His Will that we do so, even when it’s not our will. And when we walk in His Will, He gives us the strength to obey.

I’m sure as we progress in our foster care journey and care for kids who are sometimes difficult to love, I will need to be reminding myself over and over, “Not my will, but thine, be done.” There are SO many things about parenting (biological or foster care) that are difficult. And of course my flesh strains against such sacrifice. Getting up multiple times a night? No thank you! Going over the same behavior principle over and over and over and OVER again? Ugh! Sweeping that same kitchen floor for the fifth time that day? Why can’t these kids learn to keep their crumbs on their plates?!?! But when we JOYFULLY sacrifice, we bring honor to God. We teach our children what it looks like to love. And we become more like Christ, which is the goal of every Christ-follower. Foster parenting has taught me how FAR I have to go in my efforts, but how FAITHFUL our Father is in leading His children toward Him.

 photo 20160412_211327754_iOS.jpg

Boy do I miss those little toes!!

2 comments to Reflections

  • Aw. Such a beautiful post. Good to you guys for fostering. Definitely great lessons to be taught (and learned!) through an experience like this. And your kids…. gorgeous, and growing too fast!

  • this is such a good post… thanks for sharing your wisdom and lessons learned/taught. x0x

Leave a Reply