A Mother’s Love

I never thought loving a child would come easily to me.  I rarely babysat as a child and didn’t have much exposure to other people’s kids.  Once I was married, I strongly desired children and I absolutely adored mine once I had them…but I honestly didn’t think I could LOVE a child who wasn’t my own.  I didn’t know if I could LIKE a child who wasn’t mine!  When Jim and I decided to pursue foster care, I was really focused mostly on logistics.  I wasn’t sure how I was going to keep all the plates in my life spinning once we added another “plate,” but Jim was certain we could make it work, and we both felt a strong leading and peace from the Lord that this was right for our family right now.  But what remained a mystery to me was how I would feel about the child…would I view the experience as an extended babysitting job where I counted the days before handing the child off to the next placement? 

I am still not sure how to put this into words as the feelings are new to me, but I can sincerely say that I have LOVED both these precious children the Lord has placed in our care in the last few months.  Bringing Baby X home from the hospital and getting to watch him grow and develop was a heady experience.  I loved getting to cuddle and feed him, even when his feedings were difficult because he was developing a milk allergy.  He wasn’t an easy baby toward the end because he didn’t feel well, but I adored having him around and seeing the other kids with him.  I was devastated when I was only given two days notice that he was going to be placed in an another home.  But after taking a few weeks following his sudden departure, we felt ready to receive another little one.  And once again, I was shocked at the peace the Lord gave me.  I wasn’t nervous – only excited.  And that’s not like me!  I’m a worrier!  And after only having a few hours to prepare, we had little Baby T in our home, and now I can’t imagine our home without her.  She’s an absolutely charming baby.  I never knew babies like her existed – babies that rarely cry and are content just to lay there and look around and smile and coo.  She’s extraordinarily easy to love, and I find myself holding her just for the sake of holding her, just to feel her soft little weight against my chest.  The kids have fallen in love again too.  They haven’t forgotten Baby X at all – in fact, they frequently enjoy looking at the photos and videos we took of him.  And we’re making sure to capture these special moments with Baby T as well, so we can treasure them in her absence. 

I can’t really think about her leaving us without getting choked up, even though she’ll most likely be leaving us within the next week.  I’m just so THANKFUL that the Lord has shown me that my heart can be opened like this, that He has given me a love from Himself for these children.  Because I really didn’t think I had it in me to love these children, but I absolutely do.  And I’m trusting that He will get me through this goodbye just as he did the last one.  He is so good, all the time, even in these mountaintops, even in these valleys.