Looking Back

Looking back one year ago, I had no idea what 2016 would bring.  Jim and I were finishing up our foster care license classes.  We began the year with a mild winter, for which I was very thankful, a road trip to Florida where we had a leisurely time with our cousins, and then we returned and I had plenty of time on my hands for chores and new recipes…I had made myself a list of all the chores I needed to accomplish each day so that every nook and cranny of the house was cleaned every month.  I was exercising almost every day on my favorite elliptical machine.  I was scouring Pinterest for new organizing projects and menu plans, listening to podcasts on parenting and reading books on healthy marriages.  The kids were doing well, and even though Becky was struggling with dissatisfaction with her teacher, she was plowing through diligently, if not cheerfully.  Susie was be-bopping along through second grade, enjoying her laid-back teacher’s approach to play-based education.  Jimmy was loving his two-morning-a-week preschool but not showing any particular desire to learn how to write or read.  Danny was following Jimmy and I along like a little puppy dog, content to do whatever we were doing.  And then, on a March afternoon when I was driving near the girls’ school, my cell phone rang and a voice on the other end said that our foster license had been approved, and by the way, could we take a placement of a four-pound newborn boy, fresh from the hospital??  We sprang into action and after a few brief visits to the hospital an hour and a half away, we brought home Baby X, still too tiny for many preemie clothes.  His miniature frame and tiny cry brought back memories of bringing home my girls at that size…how intimidating it was to care for a creature so small and helpless, especially one I had only learned about a few days before.  And even though Baby X only stayed with us less than a month, many of those days stressful as he struggled with a milk allergy and probable reflux, he stole all of our hearts.  I cried and cried when I had to hand him over to the social worker to go live with his relatives. 

But I had been so impressed by how the kids handled his coming, and his going, and so when we got a call two weeks later, asking us to take an emergency placement of a two-week old girl, Jim and I jumped at the chance to do it again.  I remember sitting in the parking lot at Panera’s with Danny in the backseat, and I scribbled on a scrap of paper the meager details the social worker could give me about Baby T.  A few hours later, she was dropped off at our doorstep by two young social workers who only stayed about ten minutes to sign some papers with me.   After the workers left, I looked down at the infant sleeping quietly in her carseat, and I was instantly smitten.  I remember feeding her a bottle later that night and hearing her tiny sighs of contentment as she swallowed the formula, and me thinking there was no better sound in the world.  I even told Jim when I climbed into bed late that night, “You won’t believe the adorable sounds she makes when she eats!”  Little Baby T was an instant star in our house, with the kids begging to hug and kiss her from the moment they woke up to the moment they went to bed (and they STILL do this, over eight months later!!).  It soon became evident that this would not be a short-term placement, and that was music to our ears.  We quickly informed any and every social worker we could find that we wanted Baby T to stay with us forever.   

And so we began the amazing privilege of nurturing a child that was born to someone else’s arms but was soon placed in ours.  I no longer had time for chore charts or Pinterest projects or exercise or extensive menu planning, as my days and nights were filled with feedings and diaper changes and homework and laundry (oh, the laundry!!).  And I couldn’t do as many fun outings with the big kids, or read them as many stories, or feed them the nutritious meals I would have liked to have prepared…but the kids – all five of them – thrived…despite my limited multi-tasking abilities, despite me feeling stretched so thin I thought I could snap some days.  The big kids adored every minute with Baby T, and they liked the fact they got to watch a little more TV while I caught up on my sleep, and they were thrilled we did a bit more fast-food take-out.  They didn’t notice the house was messier and my hair wasn’t done and my clothes were often stained with Baby T’s spit-up…all they cared about was that we were together.

The springtime held my little sister’s beautiful California wedding where I was so proud to watch my kids come down the aisle as flower girls and ring bearers (Baby T stayed with a wonderful respite caregiving family).  Then summertime brought Ocean City and fun time with cousins, and we made sure to take all the kids on plenty of outings and activities and brought Baby T along for the ride. We did our annual Deep Creek trip with my parents and sister, and got to enjoy a new cabin and a bear-sighting and watching the Olympics together.  Life was casual and relaxed, with late bedtimes and early morning TV in pajamas.  Then came autumn and the beginning of school – and the welcome realization that third grade was going to be AWESOME for both girls, and that Jimmy absolutely took to full-day Kindergarten like a duck to water.  His interest in history and learning and reading and writing blossomed and he now lives and breathes letters and words and all things non-fiction (last week he begged me to go the library and bring him home a “movie about history or anything non-fiction”).  And even though Danny hasn’t been thrilled to leave the house in the morning for preschool two days a week, he always comes home with a smile and the relieved announcement that God has yet again answered his prayers for a good day at school.

And as for Jim and me, God has abundantly answered our prayers for our family in 2016.  He guided us into foster care and has shown us how easily our hearts and home stretched to fit this young life into our midst.  He has kept us safe and healthy and even as a close relative has struggled with his health in the last few months, God has shown His faithfulness in providing good doctors and medicine.  And any time I feel overwhelmed or weary, I look into the faces of these precious children and I am overcome with thankfulness.  Well, sometimes the thankfulness doesn’t come until after I look at their faces and realize I need to wipe all their mouths, comb all their hair, wash all their clothes, and do it all while they’re running/crawling around like human tornadoes…but the thankfulness does come eventually…it comes when they’re piled in my lap for a story…it comes when they’re crowded around Baby T seeing who can make her laugh…it comes when we’re at Bubba and Pappy’s house and the kids are zooming cars around the carpet just like their daddy did when he was young…it comes when the girls help Jimmy sound out a word that he’s struggling to read…it comes when Jim arrives home from work and the kids can’t contain their excitement…it comes when I’m giving Baby T her evening bottle and she curls her fingers around mine…it comes when I climb into bed and know my children are safe and my husband is beside me.  It comes when I stop to think about the time that is gone and the time that is ahead.  We never know what tomorrow brings.  When I was going through a time of worry with regards to Baby T’s future with our family, I saw this devotional by Elisabeth Elliot in my daily calendar and the Lord used it to calm my heart: “In ancient times a tiny clay lamp was sometimes fastened to the thong of a sandal, so that the pool of light cast was sufficient only for a single step.  The traveler took that step and found light enough for the next. – ‘Thy word is a lamp to guide my feet and a light on my path.’ (Psalm 119:105).”  Thanks to the grace of God, we have sufficient light and strength for whatever the next day brings forth.           

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