A Mother’s Love

I find myself at a loss as to how to articulate what this Mother’s Day means to me.  I feel blessed beyond words that the Lord has granted me the privilege of having children.  Two healthy, beautiful daughters.  The fact that their arrival, to say nothing of their safe arrival, was uncertain for a time gives me an even greater appreciation of their presence in my life.  I believe that every life is a miracle from conception, and I am thrilled to be the mother of these two miracles. 

One of the (many) things I worried about while I was on bedrest was how I would mother these miracles.  How would I know what they needed?  How would I know how to give them what they needed?  Many people promised me that I would be infused with a maternal instinct that would help me navigate this new terrain.  When the girls finally arrived, although I was awe-struck and terrified to hold such tiny babies in my clumsy arms, I did indeed feel a certain amount of calm assurance.  Especially in the following weeks and months, I was amazed that I felt fairly confident about how to spend my days with my daughters.  Of course, I spent many an hour picking the brain of my sister-in-law, who patiently relayed her twin-techniques and encouraged me that it was possible to care for two infants with only my two arms.  But beyond the techniques, I was happy that it felt natural to sing to the girls, to cuddle and play with them.  I didn’t second-guess many of the mothering behaviors that filled my days. 

But I have come to realize that it wasn’t just instinct that guided my actions.  I wasn’t solely relying on an inborn, maternal urge.  I was doing what I was doing…because it had been done to me. 

I was a natural mother because my mother was a natural mother.  I know how to love my girls because my mother lavished unending love on me.  That’s why I so often find myself saying the same things she said to me.  That’s why I sing “All the Pretty Little Horses” to them.  That’s why it feels so familiar when I stroke my daughter’s face and smile – because I can remember my mother tucking me into bed, smiling down at me and stroking my face gently as she said goodnight.

On this, my first Mother’s Day, I am blessed to be a mother.  But I am also blessed to have a wonderful mother who not only gave me life…she gave me love.