June 26, 2008, at 6:29 pm |
The girls reached 30 weeks today! What a miraculous event – I never thought I’d see the “thirty-something” stage of this pregnancy. Several nurses popped into my room to offer their congratulations on achieving this gestational milestone. I was flattered by their kind attention (I wasn’t even one of their cases today), and was a bit embarrassed by their praise. They commented on doing “such a good job of hanging in there and keeping those babies inside!” Of course, I thanked them for their thoughtfulness and said it was all just a blessing from the Lord, and inside I was thinking… “I didn’t do squat – I just laid here for six weeks!” Too bad not more of life’s problems could be addressed by laying in bed all day! 🙂
I mentioned to several people recently that I’ve actually worried less about the pregnancy in recent weeks than I would have, had I been home. I would have been analyzing every ache and pain for significance, whereas now I can just ask to be hooked up to any one of several monitors and I can receive instant reassurance. The real trick is going to be giving over my anxieties and fears to the Lord once the girls are home and I am the one who has to monitor their every ache and pain. Being a mom – both before and after birth – comes with a lot more responsibility than I ever expected! I’m so glad that the Lord is willing to bear all those burdens for me. He is an attentive and loving Father, who is ultimately in charge of my whole family.
June 25, 2008, at 9:07 pm | Oops! I let the day go by without dreaming up a semi-interesting blog post! I suppose my forgetfulness is a reassuring sign to all those who worry that I must be plagued by boredom. Even though the day was uneventful, I still managed to keep my mind, if not my body, occupied. I even had a few moments of vicarious vacation. My mother-in-law called from the Jersey Shore to check on how I’m doing. She’s there with Jim’s dad, sister and her family, along with a gaggle of other close friends and relatives. She described their activity-filled day to me and I could picture myself strolling the boardwalk with them all…smelling the made-from-scratch french fries (upon which Jim would be pouring copious amounts of vinegar), hearing kids’ voices reach a frenzied crescendo as the amusement park rides spin them with nauseating speed, watching the ocean waves propel enthusiastic body surfers toward the beach…oh I feel like I’m almost there right now! Well, at least I have next year’s annual trip to look forward to, and I’ll be able to add more sights and sounds to the picture…like the feel of wiping Kohr Brother’s ice cream off little sticky smiles, the sound of a double stroller thudding its way along the uneven surface of the boardwalk, and the sight of Jim dipping the girls’ toes into the foamy water’s edge…our experience of the Jersey shore will never be the same!
June 24, 2008, at 7:28 pm | Both girls passed their NST this morning. The nurse also mentioned that their heart rates are demonstrating signs of maturity; that is, the rates are getting slightly lower. When we first started the daily monitoring, the rates were in the mid-150’s, and now they’re in the 140’s. Our little girls are growing up! 🙂
This morning, one of the perinatologists (high-risk obstetricians) commented on how impressed she was with our progress. She said it felt like it was not too long ago that they were admitting me with the hope that they could stave off delivery for a mere 48 hours to give the lung-developing steroids time to work. Those steroids were vital to the girls’ long-term health if they were to have been born at 24 weeks. Now, as we approach the 30 week mark on Thursday, it almost feels greedy to keep asking the Lord for one more day. He has blessed us abundantly, and I am so thankful – not only because, if our girls were born now, their prognosis is vastly improved over if they had been born over a month ago. I’m also simply thankful to have had the joy of being pregnant this much longer. I love being able to feel them move inside of me, as I try to imagine what gymnastic maneuver they are performing. I love feeling them hiccup, the rhythmic pulsation of their tiny bodies against my skin. I love listening to their heartbeats, that audible manifestation of strength and life, that reminder of the Lord’s creative and sustaining power.
“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.†(Psalm 139:13-14).
His works are indeed wonderful – I know that full well!
June 23, 2008, at 5:51 pm | Contrary to the fears I expressed in my last post, I haven’t yet had to resort to bribery to get the girls to behave during monitoring (although I was honestly kind of looking forward to it. At this point, my idea of bribery consists of feeding the girls all the things they like, such as extra portions of ice cream and salty french fries, so I’m just as much a beneficiary as they are!). The girls cooperated with their monitoring yesterday evening and this morning, so we’ll see if their recent compliance indicates a positive trend.
I’ve been noticing that it is increasingly difficult to propel my body out of bed for my bathroom trips. I’m unsure whether to attribute this difficulty to a changing center of gravity as my waistline expands, or to my rapidly atrophying musculature! It unnerves me a bit to think of losing muscle mass, right when I will need it the most. When I was visiting my sister-in-law after she had her twins last year, I was surprised how heavy little babies can be in their car seats – I could barely lug the two of them to the car, and I was in fairly good physical condition at the time! I guess it’s fortunate that babies start out small, so my biceps will have a chance to bulk up before the kids do. 🙂
June 22, 2008, at 4:32 pm |
I’m beginning to wonder whether the babies’ energy level during their monitoring session yesterday morning was less a rebellion against a particular nurse and more an establishment of a new routine. They simply haven’t cooperated with any monitoring lately, much to their mother’s embarrassment. If I can’t control my kids now, when will I be able to control them? 🙂 Don’t answer that….!
This must be yet another lesson that I need to learn – picking my battles. “OK, girlies…” (I’m talking to my belly now), “I’ll let you wiggle and giggle your way through your monitoring session this evening and even all day tomorrow. But come Tuesday (the day of the next NST), you need to start behaving like the good girls I know you are. Besides, you don’t want to work off all those hard-earned calories just yet, do you? We need every one of those calories for your next weigh-in!”
We’ll see if our heart-to-heart (or mouth-to-belly) conversation was successful. If not, I may have to resort to the notorious parenting lesson I’ve been hearing so much about…bribery!
June 21, 2008, at 4:03 pm |
Shortly after composing my post yesterday, I heard a knock at my door and a resident indeed appeared, dragging the requisite ultrasound machine behind him! One of the girls passed her NST, but the other did not, so the resident did a quick scan to make sure all was well. The doctors are looking for a specific “practice breathing” exercise when they do the ultrasound, which the baby must perform for a continuous 30 seconds in a 30 minute period. The breathing really has nothing to do with lung performance, as the babies don’t have any oxygen with which to breathe. It’s somehow a test of overall well-being. I still have not completely grasped its significance, but I’m happy to say that every ultrasound thus far has revealed happy, “breathing” babies!
My nurse this morning entered my room with a great deal of trepidation, as she has historically been unable to get our girls to behave for their heartbeat monitoring session (which is done twice daily for 30 minutes, and once at midnight for 5 minutes). Today was no different – it’s as if the girls can smell her fear! The monitoring has little to do with a nurse’s competence and everything to do with the babies’ cooperation. This otherwise highly competent nurse struggles mightily to get my girls to stay on the monitor. At issue is the fact that when either of the girls move, the stationary doppler monitor is unable to track her heartbeat. As a result, the nurse has to reposition the monitor until she finds the wayward baby again. For some reason, the girls throw little uterine dance parties when this particular nurse monitors them, and as a result, she is forced to blindly attempt to follow their erratic movements for the entire monitoring session. Ideally, a nurse is able to position the dopplers once, leave the room, and return again in 30 minutes without incident. My daughters seem determined to make this nurse stay in the room for the whole time period. Fortunately for me, she’s a delightful lady and I don’t mind spending the time with her; but I am a bit unnerved by the girls’ early displays of their power to control their environment. It will be no time at all before they have their daddy wrapped around their little fingers!
June 20, 2008, at 2:57 pm |
Well, I’m still waiting to find out if the girls passed their NST this morning. The fact that a resident hasn’t come by, dragging an ultrasound machine behind him or her, is a good sign. I never thought I’d have so many ultrasounds in one pregnancy – I can’t even count them all. I had a slew of them in the first trimester due to persistent spotting, then a few “souvenir” ultrasounds done by my OB doctor because he took pity on my fervent desire to see the little miracles inside again and again (and also because I work at his office and only had to walk a few steps to get into the ultrasound room!), and then a battery of them after my hospital admission. Our girls have been so closely monitored in utero that they are going to be born saying “cheese!” for the cameras they expect to be awaiting their grand entrance! I doubt they’ll be disappointed, as their doting parents and grandparents will soon try to capture every hiccup on film. Of course, they still may not end up being as lavishly photographed as their cousins, since Jim doesn’t quite share his brother-in-law’s fascination with camera lenses the size of bread loaves! But then again, you never know – the flush of paternal infatuation may morph Jim’s affection for all things gasoline-powered into all things baby-powered! Hmm…not likely…but at least I can promise that he will incorporate his love for his daughters with his love for boats. He’s already purchased two pint-sized life jackets – he may try to convince me that they make perfect going-home-from-the-hospital outfits! 🙂
June 19, 2008, at 6:44 pm | 
Today I received a lovely card from Jim’s great aunt, in which she shared some verses that had brought her hope and comfort during her difficult pregnancy years ago (let me take this opportunity to also thank all of you who have shared verses with me – the Lord uses every one!). The front of the card displayed a beautiful rainbow and the words, “As for God, His way is perfect.” This truth is illustrated not only in the salvation He has provided for us, and the daily comfort He supplies, but also in the beauty of His creation. I think about the miracle within me and I can hardly believe that there are two human beings inside that the Lord has carefully crafted for His Glory. And I think about rainbows, a symbol of the Lord’s goodness, mercy and faithfulness. On Jim’s ride from home to the hospital yesterday evening, he encountered more rainbows than he had ever seen before. He sent me this picture of a double rainbow, although the outer bow is barely visible. I never get tired of viewing the splendor of God’s creation!
I was recently informed that a dear family friend is once again battling a serious form of cancer, and I can’t imagine the shock, anger and fear that must be gripping the hearts of this woman and her family. But over the years, I have had the honor of witnessing the profound faith that she and her family have displayed – faith in the Lord’s goodness, mercy and faithfulness, the same characteristics the rainbow brings to mind. For His perfect character is not diminished by heartache and suffering. He is no less Good when He allows sickness than when He heals. He is no less Merciful when He takes a saint home than when He gives life. He is no less Faithful when He brings the rain than when He brings the rainbow. Much of my musings are cliché, I admit, but fortunately, the Lord desires simple faith, not profound philosophizing!
Here are some of the verses that Jim’s great Aunt mentioned:
“As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the Lord is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in Him. For who is God besides the Lord? And who is the Rock except our God?” (Psalm 18:30-31).
His way is perfect. Some days I can trust that verse more than others, but the depth of my faith has nothing to do with the depth of His Strength.
June 18, 2008, at 3:48 pm |
I realized today that I’m starting to look forward to the girls’ birth. Of course, I’ve been excited about meeting them throughout the pregnancy; however, when it appeared as if I might meet them before I was ready (and before they were ready), I felt more fear and dread than excitement. Now as the weeks have ticked by and my condition has remained stable, I can feel bits of anticipation creeping into my consciousness. I would love to see the faces that belong to the feet that are so relentless in their daily pummeling of my belly and my bladder. I want to know if the wiggly baby inside me will also be a wiggle-worm on the outside, or if the baby who keeps getting the hiccups now will also be hiccupping away later on. I would love to hold their little hands and kiss their little toes…when the time comes.
Needless to say, I would be overjoyed if our mother/daughter meeting didn’t occur for another month or two, but the idea of meeting them sooner isn’t quite as frightening as it was before. Every day that the pregnancy continues is another day that they are getting stronger and fatter and healthier, and that I am getting more emotionally prepared to meet them. I will do everything in my power to postpone the day of our meeting for as long as possible, even though “everything in my power” is summed up by two simple tasks – praying and staying flat in bed! My power is so limited, but the power of the Lord is infinite, and He already knows the day Jim and I will have the honor of meeting our daughters. May we rest in the knowledge that His timing is perfect.
June 17, 2008, at 6:00 pm |
Everything is going very well today. I was recently told by one of the residents that I am considered one of the most “stable” patients on the floor right now, a title that brought me great joy! I would hate to be considered “unstable,” in any way! However, I do have to admit that the nurses have repeatedly informed me that I have an “irritable” uterus (meaning that I constantly have lots of harmless mini-contractions that I can’t feel), a term which usually causes Jim to chuckle. I do have to give him credit – he’s displayed great restraint by not cracking too many jokes about my non-uterine irritability when the nurses make that comment 🙂
Neither of the girls passed their non-stress test (NST) today, so despite my optimism in my post on 6/13, I guess I’ll have to reserve some of my unbridled confidence in their neurological superiority until later! Since the NSTs were deemed reassuring but non-reactive (which is no cause for concern), they did a quick ultrasound just to double check on their well-being. The resident who did the ultrasound was kind enough to take a few extra profile pictures for my benefit. They both look so darling! My mother-in-law asked me whether I can tell who they look like yet, but I think the jury will be out until their birthday…although I think I can perhaps detect the cute-as-a-button Clark nose (Jim’s mom’s side of the family) in one of the pictures!
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ABOUT US I'm blessed to be saved by the grace of God, loved by my wonderful husband Jim, and embraced by my twin girls, Rebecca Faith and Susanna Joy and my sons Jimmy and Danny. I started this blog in May 2008 when I was hospitalized for pre-term labor at 24 weeks gestation. The Lord allowed me to keep the girls inside until they were 34 weeks along, and on July 27th, Rebecca made her debut, followed by Susanna, five minutes later, on July 28th. We ecstatically welcomed Jimmy into our lives on April 25th, 2011, and Danny on August 31, 2012. This blog has been a personal journal of faith and motherhood and the only way I can remember which child did what and when. Thanks for stopping by to share in my Faith and Joy! Feel free to e-mail me at: [email protected]. |
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