Last night, I had my first taste of fresh air in over seven weeks! It was glorious! With the doctor’s permission, Jim wheeled me outside in a wheelchair. I was as giddy as a kid on Christmas Eve! The hospital is high on a hill, so we were hoping that we could watch the fireworks over the Hartford skyline. Unfortunately, it was too cloudy to see anything beyond the hospital parking lot, but my-oh-my did I enjoy being outside! It was warm and just slightly humid, and the air smelled clean and moist, as it had rained earlier that evening. It was a perfect evening, being outside with Jim and our girls (even though they can’t appreciate fresh air quite yet!). We were one big happy family. Oh – and the next time anybody hears me complain about the Connecticut humidity, or what the humidity does to my hair – you have my permission to kick me!
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I was talking to a dear friend tonight and remarked, “Every day I’m still pregnant is a good day.” I’m sure I’ve said the same thing to many of you, in e-mails and phone calls. I stopped to think about the statement, and I was struck by the fact that it’s a shame it’s taken a life-altering event, pre-term labor, to bring me to this realization. I wish I could have clung to the truth of the statement during the entire pregnancy; such an outlook would have enabled me to be less consumed by anxiety and more open to joy during my first and second trimester. It’s not that I was overly pessimistic during those months – it’s just that I was always worried about something, and I often failed to give God the glory He was due for simply allowing me to carry these two precious lives in the first place. I pray that the Lord will enable me to carry this feeling of contentment into the coming months and years. I will soon transition, Lord willing, into stating that “Every day I’m a mother is a good day.” Yet…I need to adopt an even more expansive version of this truth. Earthly roles, that of a wife or a mother, or a friend or a daughter, can all cease, and if they do, that does not mean that life ceases from being good – or more importantly, that God ceases from being Good. Truly, every day that He gives us life is a good day. For those individuals who are saved, it is one day closer to being with our Heavenly Father, and one additional day than we can bring Glory to Him. For those who are not saved, it is one more day with the opportunity of accepting Him as their Savior, since there is no guarantee of a future opportunity (James 4:14). I am not being naïve and suggesting that we are to feel happy-go-lucky every day, throwing caution to the wind and kicking up our heels in collective merriment. But I am being convicted that I need to remember that earthly troubles, as well as earthly triumphs, pale in comparison to the reason that we are here in the first place: to bring glory and honor to God. With His help, I pray that I can say – and believe, and manifest in my daily life – that every day is a good day. Happy Fourth of July! Although as my obstetrician joked this morning, it’s a bit hard to celebrate independence day when I’m the prisoner of a hospital! He encouraged me to hang on at least until Bastille Day, July 14, the holiday to celebrate the release of captives. 🙂 Today marks another milestone for our girls – they are officially better at listening to their mother than I was at their age (Sorry, Mom)! I was born at 31 weeks after my mom’s water broke about a week prior. She had pleaded with me to stay put, but I stubbornly insisted on making my premature debut, weighing in at a measly 2 lbs. 8oz. So not only are my girls chunkier than me, they’re more obedient – they’ve passed the 31 week, 0 days, mark and seem quite content to stay put for a while longer. I pray that this early display of compliance is long-lived! Both girls passed their NST today, even though it took one of them two monitoring attempts to complete the required cardiac accelerations. A few minutes after the nurse strapped on the monitors to give her a second chance, I had given up and assumed we would need to resort to the biophysical profile (a quick ultrasound) to verify that all was well. But then, our knight in shining armor came to the rescue! Jim called to say hi, and as soon as he and I started chatting, our baby girl’s heart rate performed the equivalent of jumping jacks! Her “upbeat” reaction to my happiness at talking to Jim reminded me of a monitoring session we had at the beginning of our hospital stay. The nurse was trying vigorously to track the heart rates of then-tiny babies, who had too much room to maneuver to be bothered to stay still for monitoring. It wasn’t until my obstetrician called from the office to see how I was feeling that the girls suddenly quieted down and behaved themselves! They must have sensed that I was calmed and reassured by his voice, and followed suit by calming themselves down. We have very intuitive youngsters! We have growing babies! An ultrasound this morning weighed in one baby at 3 lbs.3 oz. and the other at 3 lbs. 6 oz. That’s an average weight gain of 6 oz. per week since the last ultrasound. The doctor was so pleased with their growth that she decided to lengthen our leash: our next ultrasound is scheduled for four weeks from now. Four weeks – the girls would be nearly full-term (for twins) by then! Jim and I received a round of applause from a line of nurses when we made our triumphant entry back to the antepartum unit, proudly proclaiming our official weight status. Any bystanders would have thought we were trying to groom our children to be sumo wrestlers, given our pride in their poundage! The sonographer also said that the ultrasound showed one of the girls may already have a little hair on her head. She pointed at the screen and said she saw little hairy “spikes” on top of her head – we had to take her word for it. I squinted and tried to envision the beginnings of peach fuzz, but to no avail. Both babies are still head-down, with their noggins nearly touching. I wonder if they see eye-to-eye? With the tumult of activity that I feel in my belly, I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re already butting heads! Today was nice and quiet. I was excited to talk today with a lady who gave birth to twin girls here several weeks ago. While she was here on bedrest, the nurses had wheeled her into my room one afternoon so we could chat. She ended up delivering at 32 weeks and her girls are doing very well in the NICU. They’re actually planning to take them home in a few days. It was very encouraging to hear her success story. I can’t wait until I can share one of my own! Although of course, I feel like we have quite the success story already, praise God! 🙂
We made it to July! Not that I have anything against May or June birthdays, but I’m very happy that the girls are getting further into summer. And to think that, earlier in the year, I dreaded being hugely pregnant in the hot sticky summer months…now I’m longing for it! (Although of course, I have the benefit of the round-the-clock air conditioning paid for by my insurance company…) I had a wonderful visit from my sister-in-law Julie today. Her mom watched the kids to give her some free time this afternoon. This will most likely be our last child-free time together for quite a while…at least until we can convince our respective mothers to do some tandem baby-sitting. It would be quite a job for one grandma to watch two sets of twins at once. Family get-togethers are never going to be the same! 🙂 Everything is going very well here in my little hospital room. Some friends joked that the name plate outside my room ought to be engraved by now, rather than just penciled-in! We’ve personalized the interior of the room slowly but surely. Jim recently hung on my wall two matching little outfits saying, “My First Ocean City, NJ Shirt,” along with a ziplock bag of sand and shells that our friends lovingly collected in my honor. So even though I wasn’t able to join the family at the shore this year, I smile every time I see these souvenirs and think of future vacations to come. We also have cards pinned on the wall, and decorations from the shower that my co-workers had thrown. The nurses and doctors all remark on how “homey” we’ve made the space, and I reply that I’m just thrilled I’ve been here long enough to call it home! Visiting friends tonight asked me if I was “comfortable” here – and I replied that my answer depended on whether they were inquiring about my physical or emotional comfort level! Physically, I’m getting more and more uncomfortable, but I attribute the discomfort to the normal aches and pains of an advancing pregnancy. I don’t believe I’ve seen any very pregnant lady look comfortable, whether or not she was on bedrest! Yet emotionally and spiritually, I’m remarkably content. The Lord is so gracious in granting me more patience with these circumstances than I ever thought possible. Now the big question will be whether I will feel similar “comfort” and patience when I am attempting to soothe two squalling infants at 3 a.m.! 🙂 However, I am confident that our God is good…and whether or not I feel His calming presence in trying times, I know that His patience with me is unending, and He will shape me (painfully at times, I’m sure) into the parent He desires me to be. I am reminded of one of my favorite hymns: He giveth more grace when the burdens grow greater, He sendeth more strength when the labors increase; To added affliction He addeth His mercy; To multiplied trials, His multiplied peace.
When we have exhausted our store of endurance, When our strength has failed ere the day is half done, When we reach the end of our hoarded resources, Our Father’s full giving is only begun.
Fear not that thy need shall exceed His provision, Our God ever yearns His resources to share; Lean hard on the arm everlasting, availing; The Father both thee and thy load will upbear.
His love has no limit; His grace has no measure. His pow’r has no boundary known unto men; For out of His infinite riches in Jesus, He giveth, and giveth, and giveth again! A visit from Allison, Katelyn and Jonathan brought a smile to my face 🙂 I love being an aunt! I’m grateful to report that I’m back to my old boring ways! Although the contractions are still a bit more frequent than they were prior to yesterday, I don’t feel nearly as wiped out by them. The nurses are relieved that I’m once again considered low-maintenance. I’m happy to oblige! I’m excited to be seeing Jim’s sister Julie and her family tomorrow. They flew in from Arizona and spent time with their family at the Jersey shore and now they’ve driven up to Connecticut. I haven’t seen them since February, and I’m eager to interact with the twins, Jonathan and Katelyn, now that they’re more active and independent than when we were last together. It’s hard to believe that they will be a year old in August. And I suspect that their 12-year-old daughter, Allison, has also grown since February. I can’t wait to see that young lady! She’ll be spending several weeks with us after her parents and siblings fly back to AZ, so we’ll have plenty of opportunities to chat. I’ve already warned Allison that she’s going to have to give me some child-rearing lessons while she’s here – she has much more experience with infant twins than I do! I guess my uneventful days couldn’t go on forever! I woke up in the middle of the night and realized I was having more contractions than usual, although they felt the same in intensity as they always had. The nurse hooked me up to a monitor, and sure enough, they were coming approximately every 6-10 minutes. Fortunately, the nurse and doctors weren’t concerned, as long as I wasn’t experiencing any associated pain. It was the one time that I was actually a bit worried and the powers-that-be were nonchalant – in the past, the doctors would scurry around with stern expressions on their faces and start adjusting medications, while I laid there thinking, “What’s going on? I feel fine!” Now that I finally was feeling something, I expected the docs to hit the roof! But thank the Lord, they were unimpressed, and continued to be so, even though the contractions continued at the same pace until early afternoon today. They’ve finally quieted down, and I have as well. 🙂 I’ve relished the relative quiet of the afternoon, and tried to rest and regain some of the energy I lost by pulling the all-nighter. I suppose I’m just practicing for the sleepness nights to come! |
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