Tough to Swallow

I came up with the perfect weight-loss plan.

Well, actually, Susanna came up with it.  Now I just have to convince her to abandon the plan in favor of a weight-gain plan. 

Susanna loves to stuff food in her mouth.  Her sticky fingers snatch food off her tray so eagerly that I can barely cut up the food fast enough.  She wedges food so adeptly into her already-full cheeks that I think I’m going have her pack my suitcase on our next trip; the girl knows how to cram. 

She enjoys the food, sucks the life out of the food.  Sometimes she takes it out, inspects it, and the re-inserts the food into her mouth.

She stuffs and chews, chews and stuffs…but I never see her swallow. 

Theoretically, she must swallow the food at some point.  Yet I have my suspicions that she actually just pockets it away in her cheeks until it dissolves.  That must be how she maintains her petite figure – perhaps all the calories just give up and die while they’re waiting in limbo to be consumed.

Not that I’m advocating this weight-loss plan.  Not in her case, anyway.  I would much rather she bulk up like a bear prior to hibernation.  I just need to convince her of the benefits of food consumption, not just food tasting. 

Well, you’ll have to excuse me. I’m going to go emulate Susanna’s mouth-stuffing techniques on the donuts Jim brought home from work.  We’ll see if I can make them disintegrate before the calories reach my hips.