(Barely Historical) Fiction

I made it to Bastille Day! As I remarked in a previous post, my obstetrician noted that today would be a fitting day, symbolically speaking, to be discharged from the hospital (although of course, he’s rooting along with the rest of us for the pregnancy to reach at least 36 weeks). In honor of his observation, I thought I’d do a little informal research and create an imaginary scenario in which I am liberated from UConn Medical Center, as were the captives of the Bastille. In advance, please indulge my outlandish exaggerations and understand that these are the ramblings of a pregnant woman who has been cooped up in bed for a very long time! (Maybe there’s another similarity here between my plight and that of the Bastille prisoners…a kind of incarceration-induced PTSD…). Without further ado, here is an excerpt from a Wikipedia article on the Bastille (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bastille_Day), with my tall tale inserted in italics:

"…The people of Paris, fearful that they and their representatives would be attacked by the royal military, and seeking to gain arms for the general populace, stormed the Bastille, a fortress-prison in Paris which had often held people jailed on the basis of ‘lettres de cachet’, arbitrary royal indictments that could not be appealed (Jim, fearful that he would be attacked by rising hospital bills, and seeking to regain his wife/cook/boat driver, stormed the UConn Medical Center, a fortress-prison in Connecticut which had often held people jailed on the basis of pre-term labor, an arbitrary medical diagnosis that could not be appealed).

Besides holding a large cache of arms, the Bastille had been known for holding political prisoners whose writings had displeased the royal government, and was thus a symbol of the absolutism of the monarchy. As it happened, at the time of the siege in July 1789 there were only seven inmates, none of great political significance (Besides holding many millions of dollars worth of medical supplies, the UConn had been known for holding pregnant women whose uterine behavior had displeased the medical establishment, and thus was a symbol of the absolutism of doctors. As it happened, at the time of the siege in July 2008, there were only five antepartum patients, none of great medical complexity).

When the crowd (legend says it was organised by descendants of the Knights Templar)— eventually reinforced by mutinous ‘gardes françaises’— proved a fair match for the fort’s defenders…the commander of the Bastille, capitulated and opened the gates to avoid a mutual massacre. However, possibly because of a misunderstanding, fighting resumed. Ninety-eight attackers and just one defender died in the actual fighting… (When the crowd (legend says it was organized by descendents of the “B Family” clan) – eventually reinforced by mutinous friends and co-workers of the patients – proved a fair match for the fort’s security guards, the medical director of UConn, capitulated and unlocked the doors to Labor & Delivery to avoid a PR scandal. However, possibly because of a misunderstanding, name-calling resumed. Countless “B Family” members and just one resident were slandered in the actual onslaught…).

The storming of the Bastille was more important as a rallying point and symbolic act of rebellion than a practical act of defiance (The storming of the UConn was more important as an expression of frustration of a lonely husband and symbolic act of rebellion against skyrocketing insurance premiums than a practical act of defiance).

Shortly after the storming of the Bastille, on 4 August feudalism was abolished and on 26 August, the Declaration of the Rights of Man and of the Citizen proclaimed." (Shortly after the storming of the UConn, on September 4^th, the pre-term labor diagnosis was abolished and on September 26^th, the ‘Declaration of the Rights of Twin Girls and their Proud Parents’ was proclaimed).

And we all live happily ever after (well, at least the “B Family” does…I won’t presume to speak on behalf of the French) – The End!