Well, I’m still waiting to find out if the girls passed their NST this morning. The fact that a resident hasn’t come by, dragging an ultrasound machine behind him or her, is a good sign. I never thought I’d have so many ultrasounds in one pregnancy – I can’t even count them all. I had a slew of them in the first trimester due to persistent spotting, then a few “souvenir” ultrasounds done by my OB doctor because he took pity on my fervent desire to see the little miracles inside again and again (and also because I work at his office and only had to walk a few steps to get into the ultrasound room!), and then a battery of them after my hospital admission. Our girls have been so closely monitored in utero that they are going to be born saying “cheese!” for the cameras they expect to be awaiting their grand entrance! I doubt they’ll be disappointed, as their doting parents and grandparents will soon try to capture every hiccup on film. Of course, they still may not end up being as lavishly photographed as their cousins, since Jim doesn’t quite share his brother-in-law’s fascination with camera lenses the size of bread loaves! But then again, you never know – the flush of paternal infatuation may morph Jim’s affection for all things gasoline-powered into all things baby-powered! Hmm…not likely…but at least I can promise that he will incorporate his love for his daughters with his love for boats. He’s already purchased two pint-sized life jackets – he may try to convince me that they make perfect going-home-from-the-hospital outfits! 🙂
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Today I received a lovely card from Jim’s great aunt, in which she shared some verses that had brought her hope and comfort during her difficult pregnancy years ago (let me take this opportunity to also thank all of you who have shared verses with me – the Lord uses every one!). The front of the card displayed a beautiful rainbow and the words, “As for God, His way is perfect.” This truth is illustrated not only in the salvation He has provided for us, and the daily comfort He supplies, but also in the beauty of His creation. I think about the miracle within me and I can hardly believe that there are two human beings inside that the Lord has carefully crafted for His Glory. And I think about rainbows, a symbol of the Lord’s goodness, mercy and faithfulness. On Jim’s ride from home to the hospital yesterday evening, he encountered more rainbows than he had ever seen before. He sent me this picture of a double rainbow, although the outer bow is barely visible. I never get tired of viewing the splendor of God’s creation! I was recently informed that a dear family friend is once again battling a serious form of cancer, and I can’t imagine the shock, anger and fear that must be gripping the hearts of this woman and her family. But over the years, I have had the honor of witnessing the profound faith that she and her family have displayed – faith in the Lord’s goodness, mercy and faithfulness, the same characteristics the rainbow brings to mind. For His perfect character is not diminished by heartache and suffering. He is no less Good when He allows sickness than when He heals. He is no less Merciful when He takes a saint home than when He gives life. He is no less Faithful when He brings the rain than when He brings the rainbow. Much of my musings are cliché, I admit, but fortunately, the Lord desires simple faith, not profound philosophizing! Here are some of the verses that Jim’s great Aunt mentioned: “As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the Lord is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in Him. For who is God besides the Lord? And who is the Rock except our God?” (Psalm 18:30-31). His way is perfect. Some days I can trust that verse more than others, but the depth of my faith has nothing to do with the depth of His Strength. I realized today that I’m starting to look forward to the girls’ birth. Of course, I’ve been excited about meeting them throughout the pregnancy; however, when it appeared as if I might meet them before I was ready (and before they were ready), I felt more fear and dread than excitement. Now as the weeks have ticked by and my condition has remained stable, I can feel bits of anticipation creeping into my consciousness. I would love to see the faces that belong to the feet that are so relentless in their daily pummeling of my belly and my bladder. I want to know if the wiggly baby inside me will also be a wiggle-worm on the outside, or if the baby who keeps getting the hiccups now will also be hiccupping away later on. I would love to hold their little hands and kiss their little toes…when the time comes. Needless to say, I would be overjoyed if our mother/daughter meeting didn’t occur for another month or two, but the idea of meeting them sooner isn’t quite as frightening as it was before. Every day that the pregnancy continues is another day that they are getting stronger and fatter and healthier, and that I am getting more emotionally prepared to meet them. I will do everything in my power to postpone the day of our meeting for as long as possible, even though “everything in my power” is summed up by two simple tasks – praying and staying flat in bed! My power is so limited, but the power of the Lord is infinite, and He already knows the day Jim and I will have the honor of meeting our daughters. May we rest in the knowledge that His timing is perfect. Everything is going very well today. I was recently told by one of the residents that I am considered one of the most “stable” patients on the floor right now, a title that brought me great joy! I would hate to be considered “unstable,” in any way! However, I do have to admit that the nurses have repeatedly informed me that I have an “irritable” uterus (meaning that I constantly have lots of harmless mini-contractions that I can’t feel), a term which usually causes Jim to chuckle. I do have to give him credit – he’s displayed great restraint by not cracking too many jokes about my non-uterine irritability when the nurses make that comment 🙂 Neither of the girls passed their non-stress test (NST) today, so despite my optimism in my post on 6/13, I guess I’ll have to reserve some of my unbridled confidence in their neurological superiority until later! Since the NSTs were deemed reassuring but non-reactive (which is no cause for concern), they did a quick ultrasound just to double check on their well-being. The resident who did the ultrasound was kind enough to take a few extra profile pictures for my benefit. They both look so darling! My mother-in-law asked me whether I can tell who they look like yet, but I think the jury will be out until their birthday…although I think I can perhaps detect the cute-as-a-button Clark nose (Jim’s mom’s side of the family) in one of the pictures! I said a sad goodbye to my mom this afternoon, but not until after she made a shopping trip to the nearby mall for a few parting gifts. She’s able to pack more buying power into an hour of shopping than anyone I know! She arrived back at the hospital, her arms full of food, magazines and clothes, which I gratefully accepted. (I suspect Jim was thankful as well, as she spared him the humiliation of having to buy me certain undergarments!). It feels a bit presumptuous to be getting more maternity clothes when the duration of my pregnancy is unknown, but unless I wanted to start sporting the trendy bare-belly look, I needed larger sizes. What a joyous development! It’s crazy to think that the next time I see my mom, I’ll be a full-fledged mom! She’s planning to return here as soon as I deliver. Hopefully, the timing works out so she will have a long time at home in Well, I better get back to my riveting game of Sudoku (thanks for the book, Amanda!). I completed a few of the puzzles designated as “easy,” and with my confidence bolstered, I launched into the “medium” section. Perhaps the Lord decided to use this as an opportunity to reinforce the importance of humility, as I am thoroughly stuck. Well, at least scratching my head in frustration takes up time – and even if I’m limited on brain power, I’ve got plenty of time! Yesterday’s baby shower, thrown by my co-workers, was a wonderful distraction from my normal hum-drum ceiling-tile-counting afternoons. My mom and mother-in-law both helped to make the party a success. My mom carted darling Winnie the Pooh decorations all the way from Last night, my nurse was kind enough to take Jim, my mom and I on an “unofficial” tour of the hospital’s neonatal intensive care nursery (NICU), where our girls will be staying if I am unable to convince my uterus to hold out for another two months. Because the tour was a brief one, we were whisked from room to room and introduced to the layout of the nursery. We can set up an official tour if we schedule in advance, and then we will be able to see babies who were born at different gestational stages, so we can visualize how large (or rather, how very tiny) our girls may if they are born now or in the upcoming weeks. The highlight of the tour for me was a very silly brainstorm I had while we were scrubbing our hands at a sanitation station prior to entering the NICU. I think I may have finally stumbled upon the key to ensuring Jim’s cleanliness prior to mealtimes: installing a digital timer next to the sink! Jim diligently scrubbed his hands for the required three minutes without grumbling. Now, there are several factors playing into his compliance, I’m sure – one being a vigilant nurse supervising the process, and another being the all-important goal of keeping babies healthy. Yet I would wager that the underlying success of the operation lay in Jim’s fascination with competition. Perhaps I will be able to get him to challenge our daughters to a hand-washing endurance marathon at least once a day, as long as there is a digital timer involved. Now if only I could figure out how to install the hand-washing timer on his Blackberry….there’s an idea! 🙂 Just a quick post from the soon to be outnumbered member (in terms of boy / girl ratio) of the “B Family†Babies. Emily is doing well, although she is tired tonight because she had her "office" shower in the hospital room, which I’m told was very nice. I worked around the house getting the nursery ready for new paint, cribs, etc. We’ll work to finish the nursery over the next couple weeks. We thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. My mom is here! She flew in yesterday evening and she hasn’t stopped ooing and awwing over her granddaughters (well, more specifically, my belly) since she arrived. She’s even sung to the babies – and judging by the ensuing volley of kicks, they were either pleading for an encore or trying to figure out how to cover their tiny ears! I’m voting for the former option, as it made me very happy to hear her lullabies again. 🙂 The nurses have been just as pleased with her visit thus far, as she first wooed them with bags of I even got a phone call today from my dad, who is in I am proud to report that both girls passed their “non-stress test” today for the first time, which is a test measuring their neurological maturity as evidenced by the frequency of heart accelerations in a given time frame. The nurses have warned me that most babies don’t consistently pass all their twice-weekly non-stress tests until they are at least 30-31 weeks old, but their success today has convinced me that I have very advanced children 🙂 Hey, it’s a mother’s prerogative to be unreasonably proud of her kids, and I’ll take every chance I get! I am thrilled to report that the Lord has answered our prayers for a good ultrasound report today. One baby gained 8 oz in two weeks to weigh in at 1 lb 15 oz and the other gained 11 oz in two weeks to weigh in at 2 lbs 4 oz. So although we’re not quite to the “chunky” baby stage, we’re making progress! The doctor also noted that the 11% discordance between the girls’ weights is in the normal range (anything below 20% is acceptable). So, yes, I will be merrily continuing my diet of hamburgers and milkshakes, but more importantly, I am honored to thank the Lord for this good news and for His continued kindness toward us. Not only did He offer us eternal salvation through the death and resurrection of his beloved Son, He has provided for the ongoing health of our dear daughters. The Lord would be just as good and just as kind if He had chosen a different course of action, perhaps one that would not have been as pleasing to us, but we are humbled by His gracious decision to allow our pregnancy to continue just a little bit longer. Jim brought the following Scripture verses before us this afternoon, and I am struck by their relevance to our current situation: “And he said unto his disciples, ‘Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat; neither for the body, what ye shall put on. The life is more than meat, and the body [is more] than raiment. Consider the ravens: for they neither sow nor reap; which neither have storehouse nor barn; and God feedeth them: how much more are ye better than the fowls? And which of you with taking thought can add to his stature one cubit? If ye then be not able to do that thing which is least, why take ye thought for the rest? Consider the lilies how they grow: they toil not, they spin not; and yet I say unto you, that Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. If then God so clothe the grass, which is to day in the field, and to morrow is cast into the oven; how much more [will he clothe] you, O ye of little faith? And seek not ye what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink, neither be ye of doubtful mind. For all these things do the nations of the world seek after: and your Father knoweth that ye have need of these things. But rather seek ye the Our best efforts cannot add a “cubit” to our stature, a minute to our lives, or an ounce to our daughters’ frames, if it is not in accordance with the Will of the Lord. And worrying about what is not in my control is at best unproductive, and at worst, counterproductive, as it denies the Lord the Glory that He is due. Perhaps this is the lesson that I most need to learn: The Lord is ultimately in control, and although He allows me the freedom to exercise my will (and the freedom to worry), His Will shall be done and He is working out all things for His Glory. And that’s just the way I want it. |
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